Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
