Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
