i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
