you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
