worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
