the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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