i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
being pregnant is like rehab
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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