just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
