my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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