It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
