I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
