He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
