I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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