I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
