so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
