just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
