Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The struggles of a small town man whore
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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