You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
