I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
