im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
