got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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