I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
