Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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