I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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