I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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