Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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