Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
