Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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