All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
