I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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