She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
