Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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