If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
