yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
