I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
