Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
