I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
