Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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