i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
