I just pynch a tree in the face
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
