this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
