You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
