I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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