Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
