turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
