I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
