Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
