HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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