At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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