she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
