Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
