Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
