He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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