Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
