On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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