I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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