I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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